I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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