tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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