I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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