hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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