You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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