Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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