I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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