Say something about gay babies.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize