I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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