I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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