took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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