I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize