so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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