Can i not drive my cunt home
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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