I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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