he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
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