Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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