Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize