Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize