just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize