Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

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(514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8

Replies (6) Good night (2421) Bad night (552)
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(214): View more from Texas

I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts

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(214): I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts http://tfl.nu/860y

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

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(703): I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense http://tfl.nu/aaqg

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.

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(715): My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it. http://tfl.nu/q7ku

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(757): View more from Virginia

No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire

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(757): No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire http://tfl.nu/j9c5

Replies (3) Good night (3109) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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(713): View more from Texas

She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.

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(713): She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this. http://tfl.nu/8bwv

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.

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(610): Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight. http://tfl.nu/6ipq

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(760): View more from California

running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.

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(760): running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi. http://tfl.nu/0lmy

Replies (6) Good night (2003) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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(203): View more from Connecticut

some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.

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(203): some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed. http://tfl.nu/br4z

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(410): View more from Maryland

You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days

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(410): You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days http://tfl.nu/jiwq

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(909): View more from California

Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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(909): Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy? http://tfl.nu/bd8h

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(901): View more from Tennessee

"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

You have found the Promised Land of friend zones

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(901): "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome. (1-901): You have found the Promised Land of friend zones http://tfl.nu/0f4w

Replies (3) Good night (1063) Bad night (534)
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(801): View more from Utah

Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.

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(801): Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice. http://tfl.nu/sj9z

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(410): View more from Maryland

I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.

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(410): I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now. http://tfl.nu/a4rz

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(574): View more from Indiana

I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.

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(574): I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever. http://tfl.nu/zs85

Replies (6) Good night (112) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt

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