I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
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hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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