I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize