Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?

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(313): At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit? http://tfl.nu/h53l

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(562): View more from California

The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!

(916): View more from California

Awkward!

(562): View more from California

No he was cute and I said yes!

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(562): The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date! (916): Awkward! (562): No he was cute and I said yes! http://tfl.nu/pzog

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(248): View more from Michigan

Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.

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(248): Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn. http://tfl.nu/n0iu

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(407): View more from Florida

I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.

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(407): I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through. http://tfl.nu/kavy

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece

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(781): You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece http://tfl.nu/uonr

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.

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(724): Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways. http://tfl.nu/hzks

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

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(608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?" http://tfl.nu/0sa8

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(415): View more from California

Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted

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(415): Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted http://tfl.nu/ojyr

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(205): View more from Alabama

She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go

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(205): She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go http://tfl.nu/6usw

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(206): View more from Washington

Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.

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(206): Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower. http://tfl.nu/5wes

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(917): View more from New York City

It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.

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(917): It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left. http://tfl.nu/g605

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck

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(+44): it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck http://tfl.nu/0y2l

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(805): View more from California

You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.

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(805): You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like. http://tfl.nu/70wr

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(310): View more from California

may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...

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(310): may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy... http://tfl.nu/t47h

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(330): View more from Ohio

We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.

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(330): We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us. http://tfl.nu/w3kf

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