I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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