So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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