Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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