Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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