That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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