New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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