Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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