I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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