I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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