If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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