A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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