WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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