I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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