I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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