My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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