I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize