Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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