I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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