what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let's get the cat blown out
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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