i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize