Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drunk is not a location!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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