I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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