either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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