We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
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Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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