your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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