I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wish my penis had a tongue
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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